A chapter where we could get a glimpse of Yan Hong Tian’s mind…
Chapter 59: I Do Not Know
After finishing dinner, Qing Feng just sat by the window to read and Fu Ling was quietly accompanying her by the side. During the daytime, time was of the essence and she was always worried if anything would go wrong in the middle and did not thought about many things. Now that it was much quieter, she no longer felt flustered. They framed the Empress Dowager and liaising with a Prince of an enemy. If there were any flaws, it would be an offence that would cause the entire clan to be killed. That day Lou Furen also did not have time to elaborate the matter to Mistress but Mistress still exhaust all her abilities to do it. She was moved by the deep feelings of both sisters. Fu Ling quietly looked up and saw Qing Feng. She was quiet all the time but Fu Ling knew that she was certainly unsettled because she had not even turn the page of the book in her hand.
The time to light the lanterns has just passed when there were some noise outside the hall. It was not very loud but one could hear the hurried footsteps outside. However it was soon quieten down. Fu Ling frowned and wanted to go out to check it but Qing Feng grabbed her wrist and said quietly, “Don’t go.”
Fu Ling wanted to say more but Qing Feng said faintly, “Wait and observe the changes.” At this time it would be in vain if one would to go fine out more. They only need to wait for the result.
“En.” The night has fallen and Fu Ling lit the inner chamber up. As she was afraid that Qing Feng will hurt her eyes if she read at night, Fu Ling lit up more candles so that the candlelight filled the entire inner chambers. Qing Feng continued to stared at the book but not flip a single page and just sat there for another shichen (1 shichen = 2 hours). Fu Ling served her hot tea and Qing Feng only took a light sip and closed the book. Apart from leaving a small lamp, the others were all extinguished.
“You can go and rest.” Yan Hong Tian should not be coming.
“Mistress…” The silence from Qing Feng tonight was scary.
After stretching mentally for the entire day, Qing Feng was exhausted and did not want to say anything thus she waved her hands at Fu Ling, “Withdraw.”
“Yes.” Fu Ling can only withdraw quietly.
Qing Feng laid down fully clothed but she was unable to sleep. She guessed that Yan Hong Tian would most probably come tonight but it was beyond her expectation for the Palace to be this calm. If Eldest Sister plan was successful, the Empress Dowager involvement with the enemy, not mentioning the uproar in the court, how would the Inner Palace and the Empress Dowager’s power not change? If Eldest Sister plan failed, that would be a crime of framing the Empress Dowager. How would Yang Zhi Lan quit? No matter what happen, it should not be this calm.
Only one lamp was left lit in the inner chambers. Under the dim light, everything in the room were blurred, like how Qing Feng’s thoughts were at the moment. Painting allows here to calm down so Qing Feng got up and headed toward the study room. Spreading the paper and picking up a brush, she did not know what to draw at such a time.
“Oh…” Qing Feng was still thinking when there was a strange and weird feeling in her abdomen. For just a moment, there was like a little drum in her belly, like something was tabbing it softly, like an illusion. Qing Feng stared at her abdomen with a curious feeling… Was the child in her stomach moving?
She previous hated this child and also wanted to make use of him but at this moment her heart was filled to the brim. Placing her hands lightly on his abdomen, she wanted to feel that movement under her skin but after waiting for so long, it did not returned. Qing Feng sighed, she felt a little disappointed and had no more mood to paint even though she was bored.
Qing Feng opened the room door and the palace maids that were waiting by the door quickly went up, “Your Ladyship.”
The two palace maids looked at one another and dared not say a word before retreating to the room. It was no a full moon tonight but the moonlight was exceptionally clear as one could see the slight swaying of the swing under the tree. Ever since she was pregnant, she no longer sat on the swing. But tonight, she suddenly missed the feeling of the undulating waves of the swing. Grabbing both sides of the swing, Qing Feng carefully sat down.
No one pushed her and she also dared not swing it too much. Just lightly swinging her body back and forth, her hair gently sway with the breeze as a few strands fell on her cheeks. It was a little itchy but very comfortable. Suddenly there was a strange movement across her abdomen again which made Qing Feng stiffen. She placed her hands lightly on her abdomen, fearing that it would disturb the little thing. She felt light movements. This time she truly felt it, that the child in her abdomen is moving. Perhaps the child was reminding her it was time to sleep? Her lips inadvertently gave a warm smile. She herself did not realise that that smile was like the spring wind in March, soft yet nourished one’s mind.
Gao Jing stand behind Yan Hong Tian and saw that they have reached Qing Feng Hall but master was frozen by something at the door. Following his gaze, he saw a beautiful gentle smile. The Emperor had never drink in the Imperial Study before but he drank quietly for two shichen (1 shichen = 2 hours) but the alcohol did not erase his grief. The more the Emperor drank, the more angry and moody he had gotten. How it seems that it had dissipate a little.
Qing Feng just got up when the courtyard doors were suddenly pushed open. Qing Feng was shocked and wanted to call for someone but after seeing that tall figure, her entire body stiffen on the spot.
Yan Hong Tian?
The ink black robe with gold thread hid his entire figure in the darkness of the night. Both of them were not far apart and the strong alcohol scent made her take a step back. His steps were not sturdy but his eyes were incredibly clear and bright. Both of them just looked at one another and Yan Hong Tian turned and walked into the house.
The Yan Hong Tian tonight was somewhat different. Qing Feng hesitated for a while but still return to the house. Entering the house, she was unable to see Yan Hong Tian’s figure in the main hall and could only head towards the inner chambers.
She had thought that Gao Jing had supported Yan Hong Tian but did not think that Yan Hong Tian just sat on the ground in front of the bed with his back leaning against the bed. He was just sitting there but he look like in a poor condition, like a lazy but dangerous cheetah. Gao Jing solemnly looked at his master sitting on the floor and did not know what to do. Seeing that she came him, a flash of clarity appeared in Gao Jin’s eyes. Before Qing Feng could grasp on what was the situation, Gao Jing had already withdrawn. She felt that she was unable to cope with Yan Hong Tian being like this and wanted to stop Gao Jing but he had exited the room and shut the doors firmly.
Qing Feng stood by the screen and dare not get closer. She did not know if Yan Hong Tian was truly drunk or was faking it. Its not like she had not seen his ruthless and emotionless expression. The pain when the talons-like big hands that tighten her throat was unforgettable in her lifetime. She was now with child and did not allow any room for error.
The grave voice was still overbearing and as the candlelight was not bright, Qing Feng could only see Yan Hong Tian expressionless face but not see that intense and deep eyes. Not daring to annoy Yan Hong Tian, Qing Feng went towards him but still did not go to close to him. The floor was cold so Qing Feng move a side a while before sitting on the side of the bed and place her shoes on the wooden platform.
Qing Feng just sat down when an intense alcohol scent and Yan Hong Tian’s breath hit her, stunning her so much that her palms sweat. The light in the inner chambers got dimmer and dimmer, until it was completely extinguished. The inner chambers was suddenly went dark and Qing Feng’s body stiffen. In the darkness, the other senses had become more acute thus she was able to feel that his breathing was heavier than usual and even though there was an air of brutality, there was also a trace of sorrow. Sorrow? Qing Feng frowned, why would she use such a word to describe him? Does he understand the meaning of sorrow?
“What is the feeling of love of family?”
The coarse voice lost the usual majesty and it was as plain as a normal conversation. However, Qing Feng’s brows tightened. If it was like how he usually asked, Qing Feng will definitely think that he was playing her. Yan Hong Tian always knew how important her sisters were in her heart but in today’s case, she felt that Yan Hong Tian was seriously asking. But why? Unable to speculate Yan Hong Tian’s mind, Qing Feng thought about it and faintly replied, “Feeling of warmth.”
The deep cold voice continued asking, “What is the feeling of warmth?”
Warmth… Qing Feng remembered the time where the three sisters were painting by the lily pond and compose poetry. She also remembered that during that hot summer and seeing the cooling pond, she could not help but removed her shoes to play with the water and at the end was scolded by Eldest Sister. But when they returned home and was questioned by their parents on why her skirt was wet, Eldest Sister and Younger Sister hastily helped to lie for her. Thinking of those happy memories, Qing Feng smile softly, “Growing up together since young, with mutual companionship and care. Will laugh at you, will scold you but will always protect you. Even just by thinking of them, my heart would feel warm.”
Warm? Yan Hong Tian’s dark eyes squinted, what is that kind of feeling? Born in the Imperial family, there were many brothers and sisters but mutual companionship and care were not known at all, much less protection. As the Crown Prince, even if you don’t fight or snatch, living was also an hindrance. When he was at his youth, Lou Xi Yan accompanied him which made him not as lonely but Lou Xi Yan was always a subject and not someone related by blood. And those blood related brothers did not let him feel the “warm” but only biting freezing cold.
Adapting to darkness, Qing Feng was gradually able to see the situation in room. Looking at the person beside her, he was still sitting and leaning the frame of the bed but this time she was not even able to see clearly the expression on his face and could only see the barely visible stern outline from the moonlight. Maybe he was unconsciously clenching his teeth as his angular face was sharper than before.
“What is the feeling of between a mother and child?”
He continued his questions with his deep and cold voice. Qing Feng had guessed what caused Yan Hong Tian to be like this. Eldest Sister’s plan should have succeeded. Qing Feng was thinking of how to reply when Yan Hong Tian suddenly raise his head and started laughing. That laughter was not hearty but was low and soft and contained a touch of mockery, “Even if you said it, Zhen will not understand. Zhen only know how to kill own’s younger blood brother and today also eradicate the Yang family power in court and forced birth mother out of the Imperial Palace, to be confined in the Imperial Tombs. Relationship between a mother and child… Ha ha.”
Confine the Empress Dowager? Qing Feng sucked down cold air, could it be… With regards to Lou Xi Yan being imprison and all the so-called matter on Prime Minister Lou traitorous collaborations were arranged by Yan Hong Tian? Just to eradicate the power of the Yang family? Eldest Sister’s plan was also taken into consideration by Yan Hong Tian? No wonder he gave her the Imperial token to leave and enter the Palace. No wonder her kind and gentle Eldest Sister would thought of such a plan. His schemes were really deep. Qing Feng mocked herself, she really thought that she had truly helped Eldest Sister but at the end she was just a pawn in the hands of Yan Hong Tian.
“It’s no wonder that she scold Zhen a brutal bloodthirsty beast.” Yan Hong Tian kept laughing and that laughter made Qing Feng scared.
Beast… Her heart unknowingly shrink a little. Qing Feng dare not imagine what was the feeling like being scolded a ‘beast’ by one own’s birth mother. She did not understand, he obviously planned to eradicate his own mother but why did she felt from him that there was a sense of pain from a betrayal of a loved one? Or was it that there were some other reasons? Before her mind can comprehend, her mouth whispered back, “You are not.”
Yan Hong Tian, who was keeping his head down and laughing coldly, suddenly looked up, “What kind of person is Zhen?”
In the darkness of the night, she could not see his expression but could felt that the pair of jet black eyes staring at her and it was sharper than usual, like it wanted to look into her heart. She know that today was the best opportunity, to please him or to attack him, it would definitely go straight to his heart. Qing Feng’s lips moved but nothing came out. She only shook her head before coldly replying, “I don’t know.” In this world, how many people keep using their brains to understand the mind of the monarch but how many could truly enter his heart. Those who truly understand, perhaps, would not be far from death.
Tens of thousands of citizens give their allegiance. Master of the world. His position was destined to be lonely and it was doomed that no one would understand him. This was what he should have accepted. At this moment, Qing Feng felt that he was hateful and pitiful. A few days ago, she did not want to bring disasters to her sisters’ lives and was unable to kill him. But now, she truly did not want to kill him any more. It was not necessarily lucky for such a person to be living.